Speech Impediment
Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar, when Santa said to Banta, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"
"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."
"Well," said Santa, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"
"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied Banta.
"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Santa, "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"
"Well," replied Banta, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!"
 

Wrong bus!
Santa and Banta are walking home after a night on the piss. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot.

Santa has a brainwave and says to Banta, "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police".
Banta breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Santa is wondering what the hell he's doing.

Eventually Santa sticks his head around the door and sees Banta running from bus to bus and looking very worried.

"What the hell are you doing, get a move on!"
To which Banta replies, "I can't find a number 25B anywhere".
Whereupon Santa, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts, "You idiot, steal a number 27 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!"
 

Refilling!!!
There were these two not so bright guys, Santa and Banta, who had to get across the desert. Since they didn't have enough money for a car so they decided to buy a camel.

The camel dealer promised them that the camel would get them across the desert if they made sure he was full of water before they left.
They took the camel down to the water hole, but the camel would not drink.
Santa says, "I have a idea, why don't I hold his head down in the water and you suck on his butt. That way the water will be drawn up into him like a straw."

Banta thought about this for a while and finally agreed.
After a while Santa asks, "Well is it working?"
Banta replied, "I think it is going to work, but you have to pick his head up just a little because I'm just getting mud."
 

Rooster Replacement
Banta was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Smack! The rooster disappeared under the car and up floated a cloud of feathers.

Shaken, Banta pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared.

Banta, somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster. Please allow me to replace him."

"Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "you can go join the other chickens that are around the back."
 

Insulting mother-in-law
When Santa came home, his wife, Jeeto, was crying.
"Your mother insulted me," Jeeto sobbed.
"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the country?" Santa asked.
"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."
"And?"
"At the end of the letter it said, 'Dear Jeeto, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.'"
 

Urine test!
Banta had been in the hospital for days. His nurse was extremely annoying and he couldn't take much more.

One day during breakfast, he took his apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen cup the nurse had insisted he fill.

The nurse came in to check on him and looked at the specimen glass.
In her annoying voice, she snickered, "It seems we are a little cloudy today."
Banta put on his angry face, snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time."
 

Overweight Dog
Santa took his dog to the vet for its annual check-up.

"Your dog is overweight," the vet said. "You should cut back on his food a little and make sure he gets some exercise. Try playing fetch with him."

"That's impossible," Santa replied. "I can't play fetch with my dog."

"Why not?" asked the puzzled vet.
"Because," Santa said, "he can't throw."