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Subject: Punjab airways the most modern airlines to fly u in full
comfort
in virgin style
Wahe Guru & Good morning,
Ladies and Gentlemen: This is your Captain James' Santa Singh
welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for the two-day
delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had
put in at the highway Dhaba.
This is flight no.9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana.
Landing in Ludhiana is not guaranteed, but with luck we may even
be landing directly on your village. Punjab Airways has a unique
record for safety. In fact our safety Standards are so well known
that even fully trained terrorists and hijackers are afraid to fly
with us.
It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 90% of
our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that
don't quite make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite
experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur
will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement
policies. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger
request, we can turn them off for your convenience. To make your
free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary
tea and biscuits. For our religious passengers, we are the only airline
who can help you quickly find out whether God really exists.
We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be
shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But we will
be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be
visible from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been
removed for your viewing convenience. For passengers with sight
problems, we have also put a pair of binoculars under your seat.
As per the rules, smoking is not allowed on all Punjab Airways
flights over Punjab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the
early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down. Life
jackets are placed under your seats and free bathing costumes are
made available for the aunties and swimming trunks for the uncles,
for emergency water landings on any of our five rivers.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take
off and fasten your belts. For those of you who can't find a seat
belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for
those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in
touch with Bubbly Kaur for your arrangement to sit on the bathroom
seat. If you do sit there, please do not flush frequently because
it may result in shortage of water we require for your tea.
I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend to my
nephew's wedding. But co-pilot Kaptan Singh will have wireless
access to me in case he needs flying instructions from time to
time. For an extra 500 rupees or two tandoori chickens, our
attendant Bubbly Kaur will allow you to come forward and occupy
the captain's seat in the cockpit for 5 minutes each, for an
extraordinary view.
Thank you once again for choosing to fly with Punjab Airways |
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