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>> JOY HIND
> A school master from a remote rural area was transferred to a school
> in
> Mumbai.
> He reported for duty two days before August 15 and as was the
> practice in
> the school, was asked to address the assembly on Independence Day.
>
> Here's his dynamite speech:
>
> "Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries. Children.
>
> This is my first maiden speech. If small small mistakes get inside my
> speech, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school
> more
> fastly, but for the following reason.
>
> Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre
> compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on
> station
> master.
> He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then
> pressed
> her long time and at last with great difficulty she gave birth only
> to my
> son.
> Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible for
> getting
> the birth of my son.
> We got independent because of great leaders like Gandhiji who
> get-outted
> all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth-rate
> and
> we shall halve it. Today we all halve our birth-rate. You children
> are
> future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only.
> No
> backside nlooking, or looking at your behind. Be like great like X'
> Raj
> Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt.
>
> You know genius. no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven
> per
> cent evaporation. They became great by reading great books. After we
> finish
> you here in school, you can go to college and get MA and also BA and
other
> decrease.
> Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered
> accountants, or leacherers in college.
>
> The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, school is the soil.
>
> We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads
> and
> one day wil become great phools. Many vacancy job come in newspapers.
> Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for refuted engineering firm:
> Generators, high power condensors" so and so forth, etc. These jobs
> may be
> teknickel but you can rise.
> If you have flare in English, you can become teacher.
>
> I am now ending this fastly. My God blast you ! Thank you and thank
> God I
> am finished. Joy Hind ! "
>
>
============================================================================
>
> Subject: telephone confusion
>
> Enjoy this terrific confusion. Conversation of William Knott and Mr
> Watt.
>
> "Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.
> "Watt."
> "What is your name, please?"
> "Watt's my name."
> "That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
> "That's what I told you. Watt's my name."
>
> A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?"
> "No, this is Knott."
> "Please tell me your name."
> "Will Knott."
>
> YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED,
> READ
> THE
> REST OF WHAT HAPPENED...
>
> " Why not?"
> " Huh? What do you mean why not?"
> " Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"
> " But I told you my name!"
> "Didn't you say you will not?"
> " Not not, knott, Will Knott!"
> "That's what I mean."
> "So you know my name."
> "Of course not!"
> " Good. So now, what is yours?"
> "Watt. Yours?"
> " Your name!"
> "Watt's my name."
> "How the hell do I know? I am asking you!"
> "Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you
> have not even told me yours yet."
> " You have been patient, what about me?"
> " I have told you my name so many times and it is u who have not
> told me yours yet."
> " Of course not!"
> " See, you even know my name!"
> " Of course not!"
> " Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?"
> " Because I don't."
> [Pause]
>
> " What is your name?"
> " See, you know my name!"
> " Of course not!"
> " Then why do you keep asking Watt is your name?"
> " To find out your name!"
> " But you already know it!"
> " What?"
> "See, and you know mine!"
>
> " Of course not!"
> " Exactly!"
>
>
> NOW THEY ARE AT A POINT WHERE BOTH THINK THE OTHER KNOWS THEIR
> NAME, BUT THEY THEMSELVES DON'T KNOW THEOTHER'S NAME.
>
> " Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what will
> be your answer?"
> " Watt's my name."
> " No, no, give me only one word."
> " Watt"
> " Your name!"
> " Right!"
> [Pause before it hits him]
> Oh, Wright!"
> " Yeah!"
> " So why didn't you say it before?"
> " I told you so many times!"
> " You never said it Wright before"
> " Of course I did."
> " Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?"
> " I do, not."
> " Well, there you go, now we know each other's name."
> " I do, not!"
> " Good!"
>
> [Pause before it hits him]
> " Oh, Guud!"
> " Good."
> " No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?"
> " No, it's Knott!"
> " Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud."
> " Yes Wright."
>
>
===============================================================================
> "Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be;
> and if
> it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's Logic "
>
> -- Lewis Carroll (Alice In
> Wonderland)
>
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