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Sardar jokes...
>
> A sardarji was working as
editor in a daily
> newspaper. Once he was travelling to Bombay to
> deliver a speech about railway department
> improvements. His coach was the last coach in the
> train. The train was moving very fast and so
> sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. This made
> him not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by the
> event, next day in the meeting, his first point
> towards improvement of railway department was
> ""There should not be last coach in any train.""
>
> ________________________________________________________
>
> Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his
> University final examination. He takes his seat
> in the examination hall, stares at the question
> paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of
> inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them
> out of the window. He then removes his turban and
> throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks
> and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed,
> approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I
> am only following the instructions yaar," he says,
> " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in
> brief'.
>
> ________________________________________________________
>
> Banta singh finished his English exam and came
> out. His friends asked him how did he do his
> exam, for that he replied "Exam was okay, but for
> the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought,
> thought ... and atlast I wrote THUNK !!!"
>
>
> ________________________________________________________
>
> Sardar gets an oppurtunity to fly to a near by
> country. Sardar never has been on an airplane
> anywhere and got so excited and tensed. As soon
> as he boarded the plane, a BOEING 747, started
> jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat
> and shouting 'BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!!
> BOEING....'. He forgets what's around, and even
> the pilot in the cock-pit could hear the noise.
> Annoyed by the sound, the Pilot came out and
> shouted 'BE SILENT!'. There was pin-drop silence
> every where and everybody is looking at the Sardar
> and the angry Pilot. Sardar starred at the Pilot
> in silence for a moment and all of a sudden
> started shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!!
> OEING!!!...'.
>
> _________________________________________________________
>
> Two Sardarjis went into a pub and after ordering
> two beers took some sandwiches out of their
> packets and started to eat them. 'You can't eat
> your own sandwiches in here,' complained the
> pub-owner. So the two sardars swapped their
> sandwiches.
> __________________________________________________________
>
> Mr. Jaswanth singh went to a grocery stores
> collected the grocery and came to the counter and
> person at the counter started preparing bill for
> the items. Singh asked " Where is the fat ?" ,
> person didn't understand what singh was saying and
> said " Excuse me sir, FAT???" Sardar : "Yes Fat,
> Give me the fat" Sardar started shouting and
> arguing with the person and all people gathered
> and Manager of that grocery stores came there and
> asked sardar about the problem. Then sardar said,
> Hey Manager! Look, I took a yogurt from your
> stores and it was written "FAT FREE" on that but
> this guy is not giving me the fat.
>
> _________________________________________________________
>
> In a party one of Zail Singh's friends asked him
> How many chappathis he could eat in an empty
> stomach. Zail replied "Seven". Then his friend
> told him "When U eat the first chappathi your
> stomach is no longer empty .Then how can U eat
> seven ??". Zail was impressed by this tricky
> question. So as soon as he went back home he
> asked his wife " How many chappathis can you eat
> in an empty stomach ??". She replied "Five".
> Then Zail told " Shit!! If only you had told
> seven I had a nice reply for it"
> _________________________________________________________
>
> One day sardarji decides that he is fed up of
> Sardarji being called fools. So he decides to
> fool the others and show them that they too are
> fools. Our friend goes to the top of Kutubminar
> in delhi and peeps down from the top with a lot of
> interest. Somebody taps him on the back and asks,
> "Sardarji what r u looking" our freind replies
> "sssssshhhhhhh, Stand in the line.." After
> sometime ,somebody asks the same question to the
> second guy and he gives the same reply. This goes
> on . After a while our freind sees that the line
> has reached the bottom of kutubinar. So he feels
> very happy that he has succeeded in fooling so
> many people & decides to tell turn back. He does
> so , and... HE SEES A LINE OF SARDARJI'S ALL THE
> WAY TO THE BOTTOM
>
> _____________________________________________________
>
> Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his
> University final examination which consists of Y/N
> type questions. He takes his seat in the
> Examination hall, stares at the question paper for
> five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
> takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts
> tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y
> for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he
> is all done whereas the rest of the class is
> sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he
> is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing
> and sweating. The invigilator,alarmed, approaches
> him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I finished
> the exam in half an hour". "But yaar", he says, "
> I am rechecking my answers."
>
> ______________________________________________________
>
> Here is the unpublished paper for PEMEE (Punjab
> Engineering and Medical Entrance Examination)
>
> -PUNJAB ENGINEERING & MEDICAL ENTRANCE EXAM-
>
> Time Limit: 3 Weeks
>
> 1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?
>
> 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian
> Empire with particular reference to
> architecture, literature, law and social
> conditions
>
> -OR-
>
> give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
>
> 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build
> a bridge (b)sail the ocean (c) lead an army or
> (d) WRITE A PLAY
>
> 4. What religion is the Pope?
>
> (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e)
> Agnostic (check only one)
>
> 5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0
> meters?
>
> 6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12
> and the little hand is on the 5?
>
> 7. How many commandments was Moses given?
> (approximately)
>
> 8. What are people in India's far north called?
> (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners
>
> 9. Spell- Bush, Carter and Clinton
>
> 10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar
> ,the last one being Akbar the Sixth. Name
> the previous five.
>
> 11. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's (b) a
> 7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky
>
> 12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of
> Relativity? (a) yes (b) no
>
> 13. What are coat hangers used for?
>
> 14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem
> for what country?
>
> 15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic
> Equilibrium
>
> -OR-
>
> spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
>
> 16. Where is the basement in a three story
> building located?
>
> 17. Which part of India produces the most
> oranges? (a)Gujarat (b) Russia (c) Canada
> (d) Pakistan
>
> 18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how
> many apples do you have?
>
> 19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
>
> 20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for
> efficiency began when (approximately)? (a)
> B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting
>
> You must answer at least three questions correctly
> to qualify.
>
> ____________________________________________________________
>
> A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He
> goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his
> ticket number. The Sardar says, "I want my 20
> lakhs. The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't
> work that way. We give you one lakh today and
> then you'll get the rest spread out for the next
> 19 weeks." The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all
> my money right now! I won it and I want it."
> Again, the man explained that he would only get a
> lakh that day and the rest during the next 19
> weeks. The Sardar, furious with the man, screams
> out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going
> to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I want my
> five rupees back!"
>
> __________________________________________________________
>
>
> A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily.
> After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts
> washing the basin instead. The manager comes
> running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe
> ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to
> idhar board lagaya hai,"Wash Basin".
>
> __________________________________________________________
>
> Four Sardarji's were waiting a on Railway Platform
> for the "Punjab Mail". As they were waiting an
> announcement is made about the train running late
> by two hours. The train scheduled to start at 10
> am will now start at 12 noon. Since there is lots
> of time to kill the four sardarjis decide to go
> out into the city to spend the time. When they
> get back to the station they see "Punjab Mail"
> just leaving the platform.So sardarjis start
> running desperately to board the train.. One
> ofthem manages to catch the 6th boggie Another got
> almost the last boggie and the other two got left
> behind. When the two Sardarji 's who managed to
> get into the train met each other in one of the
> bogies they started laughing uncontrollably. They
> go on laughing .....laughing ....and laughing.
> Now the other passengers get bit curious and one
> of them asked the Sardarji's .... "Arre, what's
> so funny ? Why are you both laughing so madly?
> One of the Sardarji's managed to reply " Actually
> the two who were supposed to take this train got
> left behind......we ....just came to see them off
> !!!!!!!!!!"
>
> _________________________________________________________
>
> A sardarji is standing on platform no.1 waiting
> for the punjab mail toarrive. There is an
> anouncement "Passengers to note.. Train no 234 dn
> Punjab mail from New Delhi will be arriving on
> `platform` no.1 shortly." Hearing this sardarji
> gets panicky..He immediately picked up his
> baggage, jumped on to the railway track and stood
> there..
>
> _________________________________________________________
>
> Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife these days
> because somebody had told him that it is wrong to
> sleep with married women..
>
> _________________________________________________________
>
> Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City
> to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and
> gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There
> is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take
> an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have
> three engines left." Thirty minutes later the
> captain announced, "One more engine has failed and
> the flight will take an additional two hours. But
> don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two
> engines." An hour later the captain announced,
> "One more engine has failed and our arrival will
> be delayed another three hours. But don't worry
> .. we still have one engine left." A sardarji
> passenger turned to the man in the next seat and
> remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up
> here all day!"
>
> _________________________________________________________
>
> Diana murder mystery solved The latest theory is
> that the driver of the Mercedes, Henri Paul, was
> actually a sardar whose family migrated to France
> when he was 3 yrs old. His name was Harvinder
> Singh Pal, and later he changed it to Henri Paul.
> But what is in a name, after all ! Once a surd,
> always a surd !
>
> And so when the Paparazzi chasing the car shouted
> Diana, Diana , at 80 mph , Harvinder tried to take
> a right turn.( daina right in hindi ...........
> The rest, as they say, is history
> !!....................)
>
> _________________________________________________________
>
>
> Two surdars go for fishing. They catch a lot of
> fish and return to shore. The first surdar says:
> "I hope u remember the spot where we caught all
> those fish." The other answers: "Yes, I made 'X'
> on the side of the boat to mark the spot." "You
> idiot!" replies the first." how do u know u will
> get the same boat tomorrow." This sardarji goes
> to the theatre to see Jurassic Park and when the
> Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his
> seat and when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji,
> kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to
> hai" (What Sardarji? Are you afraid of the
> cinema?). Sardarji replies "Aadmihoon aur akkal
> hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar
> hai, usko kya pata "( I am an intelligent(?) man,
> I know it is a movie, but does that animal know?)
>
> __________________________________________________________
>
> Three men were applying for the same job as a
> detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish,
> and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask
> each applicant just one question and base his
> decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man
> arrived for his interview, the chief asked him,
> "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man
> answered without hesitation "The Romans killed
> him." The chief thanked him and he left. When
> the Italian man arrived for his interview, the
> chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus
> was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked
> the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji
> arrived for his interview, he was asked the same
> question. He thought for a long time, before
> saying, "Could I have some time to think about
> it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me
> tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his
> wife asked "How was the interview ?". Pat came
> the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already
> investigating a murder.
>
> __________________________________________________________
>
> Once, a Madrasi, a Sardar and an American were
> travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something
> went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no
> parachutes with them. So all the three of them
> decided to risk their lives and jump out of their
> planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed
> his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped.
> Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the
> Madrasi removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again
> his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated
> down gently. Seeing this, the American removed
> his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately,
> they did not do well as a parachute and he began
> to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He
> passed by the Madrasi who said - " May that
> ganapathi help you". Then he passed the Sardar.
> The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him
> and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a
> race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let
> go of his turban.
>
> __________________________________________________________
>
> One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at
> 45KMPH on a high way and enjoying his drive.
> Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a
> Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the
> Bihari - ' Kabhi honda chalaya kya?' and sped
> off, The Bihari was surprised but he did not
> bother. After some time the Sardarji came
> Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite direction,
> peeped into the car and shouted again ' kabhi
> honda chalaya kya?' and sped off , This time the
> Bihari was annoyed , since the sardar was teasing
> about his driving. After some time again the
> Sardar came back speeding and said the same thing
> peeping into the car . The Bihari was about to
> say something but the Sardar sped off. This time
> the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly
> stopped as he found the Sardar lying on the road,
> bleeding. He got down and mocked at the sardar '
> Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda chalaye kya?' The
> sardar said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Mein Brakes
> ke liya doond raha tha'
>
> ________________________________________________________
>
> Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He
> felt sleepy so he gave he guy sitting opposite
> him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when
> the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and
> he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved
> more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep,
> the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When
> the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up,
> and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash
> his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the
> mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?"
> Replied he "The cheat on the trainhas taken my 20
> rupees and woken up someone else".
>
> _________________________________________________________
>
> Santa and Banta Singh were bitter enemies. Santa
> lived on the 1st and Banta on the 7th floor of the
> same building. One day the lift was out of order
> and Banta Singh decided to play a trick on Santa
> and called him for dinner to his house at 7:30 pm.
> So Santa huffing and puffing manages to reach the
> 7th floor. To his dismay he finds a big lock on
> the door and a message - 'HA HA ULLU BANA DIA!'
> Santa is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes
> his reply below Banta's message - 'MAIN TO YAHAN
> AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!'
>
> __________________________________________________________
>
> Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in
> hospital after he lost his arm in an accident.
> Banta was visiting him in the hospital. Banta:
> "It was really bad that you lost your hand.
> However thank Wahe Guru that it was your left
> hand, since you are right handed." Santa: "It
> is also because of my quick thinking. Actually
> it was the right hand which was going to be
> caught in the machine. Then I realised that I
> am right handed and so switched hands just in
> time!
>
> __________________________________________________________
>
> Sardar Banta Singh is waiting for a DTC bus on a
> New Delhi bus stop, he is musing over something
> that has bothered him for quite a while ... why
> does everyone make fun of us Sardars. It is so
> unfair. He stops a Taxi Driver Surdar and asks
> him the same Question, the two of them then stop
> an Auto Rickshaw Surd. The Question spreads like
> wild fire. In a Day ... Surds all over India
> want to know why does everyone make fun of us
> Sardars. They think over it and think over it,
> but no one can come up with a reasonable answer.
> A meeting is convened at the Jawaharlal Nehru
> Stadium where all the Intelligent Surds are
> invited. After an day long debate no concrete
> answer. Then they decide to send Banta Singh to
> London to look for the right answer. Banta leaves
> the Next Day. On arriving at Heathrow, Banta
> wastes no time in his search. He asks the first
> Gora He sees. why does everyone make fun of us
> Sardars.The Gora says to Banta. "Look it's very
> Simple, if you can answer a simple question I ask
> you you'll prove to me that this whole thing is
> just propaganda against your people by a jealous
> faction, but if you cant! Then you guys deserve
> to be a laughing stock of everyone." Banta feels
> his skin tingle as he says ..."Okay What is
> Question" "There are Three People in My family"
> the foreigner Explains, "The first is my Lovely
> Daughter Mary Anne, The Second is my Beautiful
> wife Sylvia. Who is that Third Person in My
> Family"? Banta Spews out these Answers as the
> Gora Keeps shaking his head.... ... "May be your
> dad" ... "or else may be your mom" ... "Maybe
> you have a Dog" ... "May be you have a cat" ...
> "Aunt" ... "Uncle" "Grand father" "Give up"!
> asks the foreigner. Banta Nods his head in
> defeat. "Mr. Singh, I am the third person in my
> Family. Now go back to India and give this
> knowledge to your people. If they can't answer
> this simple question. Tell them they are getting
> what they deserve" Two days later, Banta is at
> Center Stage (JNS) with mike in hand. He repeats
> the same question. "There are three people in my
> house. One is my daughter, the other my wife.
> Who is the third one ? Banta Smiles as his fellow
> Sardars try to answer this brain Teaser... "May
> be your mother" ... "Maybe you have a Dog" ...
> "Aunty" ... "May be your dad" ... "etc" ...
> "etc" 80,000 Sardars cant answer a simple
> question, it's time I tell them Banta Thinks. He
> raises his hand, the Sardars are quiet. "Give up"
> He asks "Give up" the Entire Stadium Replies.
> "The third one is " Banta screams into the
> microphone "that foreigner" as he points towards
> London.
>
> ________________________________________________________
>
>
> There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In
> order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a
> kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the
> playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree,
> and told him, "I've kidnapped you." The Sardarji
> then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your
> kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag
> & put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide
> on the north side of the city play ground".
> Signed, "A Sardarji". The Sardarji then pinned
> the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to
> show it to his parents. The next morning the
> Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was
> sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji
> opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a
> note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow
> Sardarji ?!"
>
> _______________________________________________________
>
> Hi friends, Let us take a look at the report
> submitted by sardar to his manager after
> completing his Y2K verification task.
>
> **********sardar.txt**********
>
> Dear Sir, Our staff hascompleted the 18 months of
> work on time and on budget. We have gone through
> every line of code in every program in every
> system. We have analyzed all databases, all data
> files, including backups and historic archives,
> and modified all data to reflect the change. We
> are proud to report that we have completed the
> "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now
> implemented all changes to all rams and all data
> to reflect your new standards: Januark, Februark,
> March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September,
> October, November, December As well as: Sundak,
> Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak,
> Saturdak I trust that this is satisfactory,
> because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem
> has made any sense to me. But I understand it is
> a global problem, and our team is glad to help in
> any way possible. And what does the year 2000
> have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do
> you think we ought to do next year when the two
> digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We'll await
> your direction."
>
> Very Sincerely IQ Singh Y2K Project leader
>
> _______________________________________________________
>
> HERE ARE SOME SARDARJI JOKES ......... ENJOY
>
> You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
> Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to
> makeup his mind.
>
> Gets stabbed in a shoot out.
>
> Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
>
> Tries to drown a fish in waters.
>
> Thinks socialism means partying.
>
> Trips over a cordless phone.
>
> Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
>
> At the bottom of the application where it says
> "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius."
>
> Studies for a blood test and fails.
>
> Sells the car for gas money.
>
> Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
>
> Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,
> "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
>
> Gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the
> floor.
>
> Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" Sardar:
> "No, who wrote it?"
>
> Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he
> should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six,
> please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
>
> Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? Because below
> 18 was not allowed.
>
> How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
> Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.
>
> What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
> Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his
> mouth.
>
> How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell
> him a joke on Wednesday.
>
> What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
> tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a
> thought.
>
> Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you
> don't have to re-train them on Monday.
>
> Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always
> forget the recipe.
>
> How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw
> it off a cliff.
>
> What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
> A wind tunnel.
>
> What do you see when you look into a Sardar's
> eyes? The back of his head.
>
> What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand
> grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
>
> What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
> Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
>
> What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
> Just-one Singh.(Again, T silent)
>
> Why do Sardars always smile during lightning
> storms? They think their picture is being taken.
>
> Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their
> shoes? Toes Go In First.
>
> How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? It
> has a stamp on it.
>
> Why can't Sardar dial 911? They can not find the
> eleven on the phone
>
>
> How do you get Sardar on the roof? Tell him the
> drinks are on the house.
>
> "Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked
> skyward and said "Where, Where?
>
> What do smart Sardars and UFOs have in common?
> You always hear about them but you never see them.
>
> Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman
> as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow
> out the head.
>
> ____________________________________________________
>
> SARDAR'S BMW
>
> BMW cars were having back mounted engines earlier.
> Sardar Hari Singh Purchased a new BMW and was
> driving back to home very happily. On the way the
> car broke down. Sardarji came out of the car and
> opened the bonnet, trying to fix up the problem.
> Immediately began to sweat. By that time Sardar
> Gani Singh came by that way and saw our sardarji,
> totally confused and sweating, trying to search
> something inside the bonnet, and asked him what
> was the matter. Hari Singh: "The BMW people made
> me fool. They have given me the Car without the
> engine." Gani Singh: "Don't worry. I have spare
> engine in the back of my BMW. You can take that."
>
> ______________________________________________________
>
> TO LOOSE WEIGHT...
>
> The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
> kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34
> kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called
> the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but
> he had a problem. "What's the problem?"asked the
> doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."
>
> ____________________________________________________
>
> SPARE BOMB
>
> Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with
> the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the
> parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a
> suitcase in the front seat of their car and set
> off. Hari Singh asks "What happens if the bombs
> blast off now". Gani Singh says "Don't worry. I
> have a spare bomb in the back seat"
>
> _____________________________________________________
>
> Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward
> each other on a country road. Hari Singh carried
> a burlap bag over his shoulder. "Hey Bhai," Gani
> Singh drawled, "what's in the bag?" "Chickens,"
> was the reply. "If I guess how many, can I have
> one?" "You can have both of them." "OK, Five?"
>
> _____________________________________________________
>
> Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a
> man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling
> "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but
> why are you jumping up and down on this manhole
> cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says,
> "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really
> want to know, I can let you go under there and
> find out. He thinks for a moment, then his
> curiosity gets the better of him, and he says,
> Okay." The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps
> into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole
> cover back and starts jumping up and down on it
> yelling "87, 87, 87"...
>
> _________________________________________________________________
>
> EMPLOYMENT?
>
> Our sardarji was filling up an application form
> for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled
> NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column
> Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to
> be filled there. After much thought he wrote :
> Yes
>
> ___________________________________________________________________
>
> AT INDO-PAK WAR
>
> Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was
> fighting fiercely and capturing everything in
> sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was
> crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it
> contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani
> forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had
> thought that they had lost the battle but,
> suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh
> wearing a Maachar dani! (mosquito net) He Pulls
> out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The
> pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari
> Singh gets a medal.His freinds ask him "Yaar thu
> maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh
> replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki
> agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se
> ghussenghi? In the following war Hari Singh
> retires and his son Gani Singh (No Assumptions
> Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again
> surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again
> think they've lost the war but out of the bushes
> erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do
> shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but
> instead gets shot.In the hospital his friends tell
> him "aare yaar, therre bap me to itni akal thi ki
> vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga
> chale gaya" Gani Singh replies "aare yaar main tho
> odomos lage ke gaya tha"!
>
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> HEIGHTS OF REVENGE
>
> Talking about those days when there were no
> mosquito repellents and wehad to spend sleepless
> nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same
> every time he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes
> and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn,
> guooonn." He getsvery irritated. He tries to
> cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.
> Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in
> his hand.He is very kind and not for the blood
> shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as
> he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja
> machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds
> the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his
> hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn,
> guoooonnnnn."
>
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
>
> Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay.
> They managed to get into a double- decker bus.
> Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat,
> But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.
> After a while when the rush is over, Santa went
> upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta
> in a bad condition clutching the seats in front
> with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are
> Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why are
> you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there
> ?" Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a
> driver.
>
> ________________________________________________________
>
> CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR
>
> sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a
> air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat
> of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the
> sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window
> side seat which was actually for an old lady.After
> some time the old lady came and requested the
> sardarji to leave the side seat. But the Sardaji
> told: "I want to see the view from the window and
> shall not leave". The old lady then complained to
> the air hostess. The air hostess came and
> requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But
> sardarji was adament and did not to leave. Then
> the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He
> also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the
> Captain came. He whispered something in the ears
> of the Sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left
> theside seat and returned to the middle seat.
> Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. capt.
> asked the capt.what he told to the Sardarji Capt.
> replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the
> middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others
> will go to Jalandhar."
>
> ______________________________________________________________
>
> SARDAR THIEF
>
> Santa Singh was shifting his residence. He was
> packing his belongings. By midnight hewas too
> tired and dozed off with the house door open. A
> sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables.
> Banta Singh found it very amusing; the thief was
> doing the job for him! "When this smart guy
> finishes packing, I will catch him". Banta was a
> hefty guy; so when the burglar finished packing,
> Banta Singh jumped on him and tied him up. Then
> he went to the police station and reported the
> matter. "What did you do to the thief"? "I tied
> his hands; you come and collect him". "I hope you
> tied his legs too". Banta Singh felt a cold
> feeling in his spine; he had forgotten about the
> legs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheered
> up and said, "Inspector Sab, the thief, he will
> still be there". "How do you know"? "Well, that
> fellow is also a Sardarji".
>
> _________________________________________________________
>
> KHALISTAN JOKES
>
> Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa.
>
> Khalistan National Bird: Tandoori Chicken.
>
> International Airline: Kitthe Pacific.
>
> National Airline: Itthe Pacific.
>
> National Anthem: Sten-a gun-a man-a
>
> National Taxi Service: Kar Seva.
>
> National song: Bande marte hum.
>
> Female terrorist: Hard Kaur.
>
> National dish: AKALI-DAAL.
>
> Sikh scuba diver: JULL-UNDER SINGH.
>
> Better adapted sikh diver: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.
>
>
> ______________________________________________________________
>
> PROFESSOR SARDAR
>
> Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He
> was in search of a subject on which no one did any
> research before! As he was thinking over it, he
> found a cockroach on the table in from of him. He
> decided instantly to do a research on the roach.
> He picked the roach and put it in the centre of
> the table and said: "Run". The roach ran. He
> pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in
> the centre of the table and said: "Run". The
> roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the roach,
> put it again in the centre of the table and said:
> "Run". The roach ran. This way the roach tried
> to run even when it had just one leg. He pulled
> last leg of the roach, put it again in the centre
> of the table and said: Run". The roach could
> not! Our Professor was satisfied with his study
> and started writing his thesis: "When you pull
> out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear
> anymore".
>
> __________________________________________________________
>
> COLOR TV
>
> Sardarji is buying a TV."Do you have color TVs?"
> "Sure." "Give me a green one, please."
>
> __________________________________________________________
>
> CROCODILE BOOTS
>
> Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
> bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off
> to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is
> being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and
> watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the
> reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims
> "71st and again barefeet!"
> ____________________________________________________________
>
> LONG FLIGHT
>
> Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take
> to fly to Amritsar?" " Just a sec," comes an
> answer "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs
> up!
>
> ____________________________________________________________
>
> TRAIN TO LUDHIANA
>
> Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway
> station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take
> this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the
> Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
>
> ____________________________________________________________
>
> Sardars' Business There were 4 sardars in Mumbai.
> They decided to start a business. After
> considerable discussion they finally decided to
> start a hotel. They selected the best of
> locations and cooks and built the hotel. The
> hotel was inaugurated and was awaiting its first
> customer. The sardars waited and waited but
> nobody turned up. The story was the same the next
> day. A week passed, but nobody turned up. WHY ?
> .......... B'coz there was a sign at the entrance
> "Visitors not allowed" After the failure of their
> hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They
> bought the best of car servicing equipment's and
> soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited
> that day for the first car to arrive but no car
> entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2
> days, a week but no car came to their garage. WHY
> ? B'coz their garage was on the first floor.
> After this failure they decided to fall back on
> the good old taxi driving. They bought a new
> Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look
> for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but
> nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman
> point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to
> Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody
> hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on
> driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed
> their taxi. WHY ? B'coz all the four sardars
> were sitting in the taxi!! All the 4 sardars were
> very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to
> push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines.
> They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the
> whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did
> not move even an inch. They decided to rest for
> the night and start the next day. The next day
> the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldn't
> move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi
> wouldn't budge. WHY ? B'coz two sardarjis were
> pushing from front and two from behind.
>
> ____________________________________________________________
>
> Suicidal Sardar An American, an Italian and a Surd
> were doing construction work on scaffolding on the
> 20th floor of a building... They were eating
> lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and
> cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one
> more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this
> building." The Italian opened his lunch box and
> exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more
> time I'm going to jump off, too." The Surd opened
> his lunch and said, "Paratha and dal again. If I
> get paratha and daal one more time I'm jumping
> too." Next day - The American opens his lunch
> box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his
> death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta
> and jumps The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha
> and daal and jumps to his death also... At the
> funeral..... The American's wife is weeping...She
> says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of
> corned beef & cabbage, I never would have given it
> to him again! The Italian's wife also weeps and
> says " I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I
> didn't realize he hated pasta so much." Everyone
> turned and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey,
> don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own
> lunch!"
>
> __________________________________________________________
>
> Surd Freedom Fighters Once there was a meeting of
> all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning
> for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
> "Oh.. we'll get Punjab from India but how would
> we develop it?" That was a difficult question
> indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No
> problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us
> and then we would be a state of USA and we'll
> automatically get developed." All the surds
> became happy on this very simple solution but an
> old surd did not utter a single word. Someone
> asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied,
> "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT..WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY
> CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
>
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> Surd with his new Maruti Sardarji bought a brand
> new Maruti and decided to drive down from
> Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandhar to meet his
> friend. He reached there in a few hours. After
> spending a few days there, he decided to return,
> and called up his mother to expect him in the
> evening. But he didn't reach in the evening, and
> not the next day either. When he finally reached
> home on the third day, his disrtraut mother ran
> and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya ?" The
> sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long
> journey, and said, "Oy, ye Mrutti wale pagal ho
> gaye nain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaae
> nain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik ?"
>
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> The Train Driver One train which was going
> peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated
> from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and
> then came back on the tracks. The passengers were
> horrified. On the next Railway station the driver
> was caught : He was found to be a Sardar. When
> he was questioned. He explained that there was a
> man standing on the track and he was not moving
> from there even after lots of honks etc . Then
> authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad!
> just to save life of one person you put life of so
> many passengers under danger. You should have run
> over that person . Sardar said : Exactly, that
> is what I also decided, but this idiot started
> running towards the field when the train came very
> close.
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> The Graffiti Santa Singh was walking on the road
> and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It
> read "Padne waala gadha." (one who reads this is
> an ass) Santa Singh sat on a nearby bench, and
> after much thought erased it and wrote "Likhne
> waala Ghadah". (One who wrote this is an ass)
>
>
> ____________________________________________________________
>
>
>
> Sardarji is traveling in the same train
> compartment with a girl. He pulls out a metal
> plate and starts playing it "Ding. Ding.Ding."
> The girl gets annoyed "You stop that." He stops
> and they travel for a while. Then when the night
> comes the girl takes off her clothes, looks at
> him and asks "Do you want to do IT?" He says
> "Yes". "Goahead." He pulls out his plate and
> starts playing "Ding. Ding. Ding."
>
> ****************************************************
> Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody
> around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded
> she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our
> Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a
> vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced
> herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am
> Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was
> bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am
> Balwinder .. Balls to you."
>
> ****************************************************
>
> Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One
> of them was crying like anything. So the other
> asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one
> replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one
> asked,"So? Are you afraid?" First one
> replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they
> cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started
> crying.The first one was astonished and asked
> other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied,"I
> have come for my urine test."
>
> ****************************************************
>
> There were these three guys, a surd, an Italian,
> and a Jewish guy.They all worked together at a
> factory. Everyday they notice that theirboss
> leaves work a little early. So one day they meet
> together and say that today when the bossleaves,
> they'll all leave early too. The boss left and so
> did they. TheJewish guy goes home and goes to
> rest so he can get an early start. TheItalian guy
> goes home and cooks dinner. Our Banta goes home
> and walks to his bedroom.... He opens the door
> slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss..!
> He shuts the door and hurries out of the house!
> The next day the Italian and Jewish guys are
> talking and plan to go home early again. They ask
> Banta if he wants to leave early againand he
> says,"no." They ask him why not and he says,
> "because yesterday I almost got caught."
>
> **************************************************
>
> There's a funeral procession of a sardar going
> on a busy street. Allthe sardars in the 'mayyat'
> are dancing the bhangra and singing and general
> 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street
> find it strange that instead of mourning everyone
> is celebrating as if its a marriagebaarat. So one
> of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh saab, aapka koi
> sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach raheho?"
> ..... comes the reply, "Ha ji ! Hai hi baat bade
> khushi ki !!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain*
> tumour se mara hai !!!!"
>
> *************************************************
>
> Santa and Banta work in a software company. One
> day, they were to move their m/cs to another
> building. Banta was having a tough timecarrying
> his machine. Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk.
> See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just
> 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?" Banta :
> "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!
>
> **********************
>
> Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
> knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw
> him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are
> you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I
> am thanking Him for seeing to it that Iwasn't
> riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would
> have been missingtoo."
>
> ***********************
>
> A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor.
> The doctor askedhim what had happened to his ears
> and he answered, "I was ironing a shirtand the
> phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
> accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my
> ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in
> disbelief. "But .. what happenedto your other
> ear?" "The scoundrel called back."
>
> *********************
>
> Our sardarji was filling up an application form
> for a job . He promptly filled the columns titled
> NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then the column SEX. He
> was not sure as to what to be filled there.
> Aftermuch thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On
> seeing this in his appln. form,he was told that
> it was wrong and what they wanted it to be
> filledwas either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar
> thought for a long time before coming up with the
> answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.
>
> *********************
>
> Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree
> and Santa Singhwas singing a song. After 4 songs
> Santa Singh hung himself upside downand started
> singing again. Banta Singh : Santa Singh what is
> the matter with you? Why are youhanging upside
> down? Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.
>
> *******************
>
> Sardarji goes to the movies and he happens to be
> going for everyshow of the same movie for a week,
> when someone stops him and asks, "Kyonsardarji,
> itni aachi lagi kya ki roz har show ke liye aar
> rahe ho?" Sardarji replies "Ek scene hai jahan ek
> ladki apne sare kapde utardeti hai lekin thabhi ek
> saali train saamne se nikal jati hai. Saalitrain
> kabhi na kabhi to late aayegi heh heh!"
>
> ******************
>
> Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the
> railway tracks and hetakes along some wine and
> chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks,
> "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji
> replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se
> namarjaun"
>
> _____________________________________
>
> mother of a sarder wrote......
>
> Pyaarey puttar, I'm writing this letter slow,
> because I know you cannot read fast. We don't
> live where we did when you left home. Your dad
> read in the paper that most accidents happen 20
> miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be
> able to send you the address as the last Sardar
> who stayed here took the house numbers with
> them for their next house,so they couldn't have
> to change their address. This place is really
> nice. It even has a washing machine situated
> right above the commode. I'm not sure it works
> too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled
> the chain and haven't seen them since. The
> weather here isn't too bad. It rained only
> twice last week. The first it rained for 3
> days and second time for 4 days. The coat you
> wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would
> be a little too heavy to send in the mail with
> all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and
> put them in the pocket. Your father has
> another job. He has 500 people under him. He
> is cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your
> sister had a baby this morning. I haven't
> found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I
> don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
> Your uncle, Jatinder fell in a the nearby well.
> Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought
> them off bravely and drowned. We re-cremated
> him and he burned for three days. Your best
> friend,Balwinder is no more. He died trying to
> fulfill his father's last wishes. His father
> had wished to be buried in the sea after he
> died.your friend died while in the process of
> digging a grave for his father. There isn't
> much more news this time. Nothing much has
> happened. Love Mom.
>
> P. S : I was going to send you some money but
> the envelope was already sealed.
>
> _________________________________________________
>
> The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh were out
> on a romantic evening. She said to him, "Santa
> Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a
> ring?" "Sure" replied Santa "What's your phone
> number?"
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop.
> Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus
> is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji
> orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari
> thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only
> sardar jokes!After thinking for some time he
> decides to substitute all references to 'sardars'
> in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes
> with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly
> he gets a major blow on his back from one of the
> sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar
> gaye hai kya?"
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at
> an MNC office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai
> applied for the same job and both applicants
> having the same qualifications were asked to take
> a test by the Department manager.Upon completion
> of the test, the results showed that both men only
> missed one of the questions. The manager went to
> Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but
> we've decided to give the job to Reddy".Santa:
> "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9
> questions correct. This being Punjab I should get
> the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision
> not on the correct answers, but on the one
> question that you got wrong." Santa: "And just
> how would one incorrect answer be better than the
> other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that
> both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't
> know' as the answer.And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> FIRST FRIEND: You know, I faced a tiger today!
>
> SECOND FRIEND: Oh really, what happened?
>
> FIRST FRIEND: The tiger looked into my eyes and I
>
>
> looked into his eyes...
>
> SECOND FIRST: Then what happened?
>
> FIRST FRIEND: Then I moved forward...
>
> SECOND FRIEND: What!
>
> FIRST FRIEND: I had to see other animals in the
> zoo...
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at
> the Jullundhur zoo. Knowing that he could hop
> high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.
> He was out the next morning, just sauntering
> around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up.
> Again he got out. When the fence was forty feet
> high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the
> kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The
> kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless
> somebody locks the gate at night!"
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of
> drunken driving. Just before the trial there was
> a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the
> gravel on his table and shouted, "Order! Order!"
> Santa responded immediately, "Thank you , your
> honour! I'll have a scotch and soda."
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
>
> Santa Singh and Banta Singh were discussing how
> they would like to die. Santa said, "When I die,
> I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did,
> in his sleep. I don't want to die screaming like
> some of his friends, who also died at the same
> time." Banta asked, "How did his friends die
> screaming while your grandfather died sleeping
> peacefully?" Santa Singh replied, "His friends
> were the passengers in the car he was driving."
>
>
>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
>
>
>
> sardar jokes......... A number of Indians were
> discussing who the most Patriotic Indian citizen
> was. Some said they always saluted the National
> flag wherever were and hence were the most
> patriotic. Others said that whenever they heard
> the national anthem being sung, howsoever faintly,
> they immediately stood at attention. Likewise
> everyone was boasting about how patriotic he/she
> was. A Sardarji from Punjab was keeping mum while
> the discussion happened. Everybody asked him why
> he was so quiet. Some even remarked that the
> Sardarji was not a true patriot and hence had
> nothing to say. Hearing this the Sardarji
> immediately flew into a rage. "I have kept quiet
> till now only because I was felt like crying on
> hearing your foolish talk about patriotism. How
> does it benefit the Nation if you salute the Flag
> or do stand at attention on hearing the national
> anthem? A true patriot should be like me. 365
> days, 24 hours my radio set is tuned to Pakistan
> Radio at full volume". "But how is that a
> patriotic act?" someone asked. The Sardarji
> said, "Arrey you don't understand. If nothing
> else we can at least harm the Pakistanis by
> consuming as much of their electricity as
> possible".
>
> ---------------------------------
>
>
> 1) A sardarji joined a big Multi National Company
> as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the
> pantry and shouted into the phone,"Abey saale!
> Get me a coffee quickly!" The voice from the
> other side responded,"You fool you've dialed the
> wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking
> to, dumbo?" "No", replied the trainee. "It's the
> Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The
> sardarji shouted back, "And do you know who YOU
> are talking to, you fool?" "No.", replied the
> Managing Director. "Good!", replied the sardarji
> and put down the phone!
>
> ***********************
>
> 2) One Train which was going peacefully on the
> rail tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and
> went to the fields nearby and then came back on
> the tracks. The passengers were horrified . On
> the next railway station the driver was caught :
> He was found to be a Sardar. He was questioned.
> He explained that there was a man standing on the
> tracks and he was not moving from there even after
> lots of honks etc. The Authorities questioned :
> Sardarji are you mad! Just to save the life of
> one person you put the lives of so many passengers
> in danger!? You should have run over that person.
> Sardarji said: Exactly! That is what i also
> decided ,but this idiot started running towards
> the field when the train came very close!
>
> ***********************
>
> 3) A sardar wanted to sell his old battered maruti
> car which had done more than 100,000kms. Since no
> body was inclined to buy it, he approached his
> friend to help him dispose it off. The friend
> advised him to have the mileage meter reading
> reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell
> the prospective customer that it has been used
> sparingly.The sardar liked the idea. A few weeks
> later the same friend met him and enquired whether
> he was able to dispose off his car. The sardar
> replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has
> done only 30000kms!"
>
> ***********************
>
> 4) Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh,
> were great cricket fanatics. They decided that
> whoever dies first will try to come back in the
> dreams of the other, and tell the other about the
> Cricket life in the heaven. Santa Singh dies
> first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard
> Santa calling him. He was very happy and was
> eager to know about cricket there. "So, Santa!
> How is cricket in heaven?" Santa replied, "Hey
> Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good
> news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day &
> night match here in heaven. And the bad news is
> that you are the opening bowler for tommorrow's
> match!"
>
> ***********************
>
>
> Sardarji: "Arre yaar! I lost $1000 today
> Friend: "How come?" Sardarji: "I bet $500 that
> India would win the match against Pakistan and
> India lost" Friend: "That explains $500. What
> about the other $500?" Sardarji: "Well, later
> that evening they were showing the highlights and
> I bet $500 on India winning .......... again!!!!"
>
>
> ______________________________________
>
> Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil
> engineer, who just laid a road near his house.
> "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has
> done! ............ The distance from my house to
> the railway station is the same as the railway
> station to my house!!!!!!!!"
>
> ___________________________________________
>
>
> One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do
> shopping in burma bazaar. His tamilian friend
> told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and
> hence asked him to bargain for half the price.
> Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for
> which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for
> Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for
> which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told
> ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar
> bargained for Rs.750.It was going on like this
> when finally vendor out of irritation said he will
> give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. Our
> sardar asked whether he will give two.
>
> _______________________________________________
>
> Two sardarjis stayed in the same building.
> One on the first floor and the other one on the
> eight floor. Both were great enemies. One day
> the sardarji on the eight floor thought to fool
> the one on the first floor. He invited him for
> dinner. When the sardarji reached the eight floor
> , he found his door locked and a board at his door
> " Kaisa bewkoof banaya " . Sardarji felt
> embarrased and to outplay him, he wrote down:" "
> Main to yaha aya hi nahi tha"
>
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane
> in the states.They start descending and as they
> touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is
> ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the
> plane back up in the air... They make a big turn
> and start descending again. The moment they touch
> the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane
> up, the runaway is ending...". The second pilot
> swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They
> make a big turn and start descending again...
> This goes on again and again. ... During their
> fourth descent the pilot says : "Look at those
> stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive
> airport but with such a short runaway..", ""I
> know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide
> they made it....""
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> A sardarji once took an answering machine home
> in Punjab and disconnected it within a couple of
> days because he was getting complaints from his
> relatives like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ki
> ghar pe nahin hai"
>
> ____________________________________________
>
> Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the
> railway tracks and he takes some wine and chicken
> with him. Somebody stops him and asks him "Kyon
> bhai ye sab leke kyon baithe ho?" Sardarji
> replies "Saali train late aati hain ........
> kahin bhook se na marjaoon!"
>
>
> _____________________________________________
>
> Santa Singh had his 4th child. He fills the
> data in the birth-certificate: Mother: Sikh.
> Father: Sikh. Baby: Chinese. "How come you're
> writing 'Chinese' when both parents are Sikh?",
> asks the doctor. Santa Singh replies, "I have
> read in a newspaper, that every 4th person born on
> the earth now is Chinese."
>
> ______________________________________________
>
> A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny
> object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny
> object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos
> flask." The sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
> The clerk responds, "It keeps Hot things hot and
> it keeps cold things cold." The sardar says,
> "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work
> with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him
> and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
> He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then
> says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps
> hot Things hot and cold things cold." The boss
> said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar
> replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
>
>
> _______________________________________
>
> What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
> He will compare it with the original for spelling
> mistakes !!
>
> __________________________________________
>
> What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional
> white sheet of paper ? he already has one and he
> wants one more..) He takes a photcopy of the
> white paper !!!
> __________________________________________
>
> Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found
> a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV,"
> he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to
> SARDARs, " he replied. He hurried home removed
> his turban and changed His hair style, and
> returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy
> this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars,"
> Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he
> thought. he went for a complete disguise this
> time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big
> sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again
> approached the salesman. "I would like to buy
> this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he
> replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you
> know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave,"
> he replied.
>
> _________________________________________________
>
> Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street
> which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if
> he wants to buy the Clock on the Tower. Sardarji
> says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll
> go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and
> disappeared. Having waited for several hours the
> Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the
> next day the Sardarji is again walking along the
> same street and the same man asks him to buy the
> clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get
> a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand
> and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and
> I'll go get a ladder."
>
> ******************************************************
> SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to
> answer the telephone. "Is this one one one
> one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven
> eleven." "Are you sure it isn't one one one
> one?" "No, this is eleven eleven." "Well,
> wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the
> middle of the night." "That's all right,
> mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone
> anyway."
>
> ******************************************************
>
> Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw
> his cigarette butt down the manhole and tried to
> step on it.
>
> ******************************************************
>
> Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He
> struck the first match on the seat of his pants,
> but it wouldn't light. He tried another. It
> wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. He
> lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out
> and put it in his vest pocket."What for did you
> put that match in your vest pocket?" "That's a
> good match. I'll use it again."
>
> ******************************************************
> A sardar sees lot of guys running on the
> highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the
> guys doing what they are doing The bystander A
> Marathon race is going on Sardar : What do they
> get from that? Bystander : The winner will get
> a prize Sardar : Then why are the others
> running?!
> ******************************************************
>
> Santa Singh with two red ears went to his
> doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to
> his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt
> and the phone rang but instead of picking up the
> phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck
> it to my ear.." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed
> in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your
> other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."
>
> *****************************************************
>
>
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